Tuesday 1 May 2012

Turning 25 - Some issues I hold with that.

I spent last weekend at a friends wonderful wedding.  A friend who knows me well enough not to have put a 'plus-one' into my invite envelope.  I went as a single girl and just took it in my stride.  i.e.  Not getting totally trashed and sleeping with an attached groomsman.
I would have, but my mother was collecting me, just as she had dropped me of at the wedding event earlier that day - because I still have not leant to drive. 
Clearly, not having a stud-of-a-boyfriend to accompany me was the least of my problems.

So I thought - perhaps I can do a bucket-list for the things I have not completed to do out of my agenda as a child.  So follows...

1. CAREER (Downgrading to a job)
To be fair, I never really wanted one.  Because by my 25th birthday, I would have already sold a couple of excellent paintings, and been living-off the proceeds from that, whilst ducking in-and-out of editing my commercially-succesful art/fashion magazine - 'Ad-verse' or something.
No problem.  An outstanding History of Art degree from a decent University and subsequent established art schools made it very easy for me to achieve this.


(Semi-ironic re. Harry Styles.  Obviously age is a factor.  An X-Factor to be precise )

2. PERFECT BOYFRIEND; VERY KEEN TO MARRY ME.
I met him when I was darting to a gallery PV back when I was 23 and had just had my Saatchi sales in the bag.
Not for me the erratic, innappropriately aged or badly-dressed men to waste time on.  By now, I hadn't even had a broken heart.
HE has a wonderful job in a charitable company and a double-barrelled surname.
I would say yes to his not infrequent and extravagantly-staged marriage proposals but I'm moving to Paris next year and am very busy with launching my fashion-line at the moment.

3.HOME
You wouldn't see me bewildered by the amount of people in any IKEA store trying to write down boringly bland shelving-units using a pencil the size of my thumb on a Saturday. 
I got a successful interior designer chum of mine to set-up a mood-board specifying all angles of a Feng-Shui ideal, Therravadan-buddhist-inspired layout in my Chelsea-Harbour apartment. 
(Fun as long as they are somebody elses)

I know that sometimes my dinner-party guests are intimidated by this display of taste and beauty  but it is simply so important that myself and Harry my personal assistant with a background in modelling, are comfortable when we have the time to stay here.
I have a policy of cleansing my flat from bad omens once a month, and the only slight hassle is that the timbler flooring occasionally needs to be polished. 

4. FAMILY
People constantly tell me (my staff as well!) that Hugo and I would have such gloriously attractive children.
That may be, howeever,   my lean and supple body is not quite ready for taking that 9 month time-out as of yet.  A lot of the intricate positions I manage to urge it into during my weekly bikram yoga sessions being one simple example.
So I do have to be careful baring in mind mine and Hugo's regular and healthy sex-life. 
One charitable initiative Hugo project-managed at work was putting the Karma-Sutra into a concisetweet-format.  It proved a financially succesful app on the iPhone.





Re-Adrressing the balance;

1. CAREER (Downgraded to job)
5 years of working in various nefarious or 'cool' galleries in London, still orbiting an overdraft.  Brief horrific step into estate-agencies, intermittantly surviving on bar jobs.  End result = Those golden laurels of a admin.  A position with a media company as 'Senior Receptionist'.  I did say 'Senior' didn't I?

2. PERFECT BOYFRIEND, VERY KEEN TO MARRY ME.
It's probably enough to say on this one that I used to go out with a guy who was 14 when I was born and made delights such as tomato-ketchup on toast for me for my breakfast.  Ticked-off the list is - banker, surfer, artist, set-designer with token brick lane warehouse, semi-famed mediocre band member and all regrettable stages in between.  A lot of frogs.  A couple of newts.

3. HOME
Tick-list - flat in fulham broadway, squatting in Marylebone penthouse, live-work art studio in East London (Chemical paint fumes and skin-care don't match), invading friends in Bermondsey then relatives in Barned. 
Then surrendering to a place in Zone 3 where the sink doesn't work and we don't have no dishwasher.
But we have a garden, so, whatever.

4. FAMILY
Baring in mind my parenting skills are learnt from MTV's Teen Mom 1 + 2, this one is a fair-way-off.
Specific life decision recently made of saving this little gem for when I'm 28.  And when I have learnt substantially more skills in tricking a male into a relationship.
The lack of sex-life is helping on this one.  Yep, this one can probably take care of itself.  Which is also to be said for the kid, hopefully.



SUMMARY
Turning 25 is probably done with a lot more class by a lot more people.  Luckily having chosen friends on average older than myself, I can still be referred to as 'A Baby'.  That was not a cynical choice I made subconsciously.  Having a smoking habit and wrinkles to prive this, by my looks I'm very lucky people don't assume it to be the Harvey-Wallbanger thirtieth I am celebrating in three weeks time. 
I still get ID'ed by various bouncers hoping I don't have a 'pass-in', as I don't usually because I lost my passport a while back and haven't even cancelled it with the Home Office, let alone have the personal admin stamina to order a new one.

The only perfect things about turning 25 this year, will be the huge amount of relief it might be fun.  And the general assurance that because I am so crap generally, but still have great mates nonetheless, it might still be OKAY.  Judging from everyone elses opionions, they are probably a bit crap too. 

Lovely x